Any resemblance between any characters in this story and any people, living or otherwise, is purely unintentional—including, of course, those few cameo roles which I have inflicted upon certain of my friends; you know who you are! Needless to say, such cameos should not be taken too seriously; they are in name only (more or less), and no aspersions should be drawn between the people featured and the characteristics their namesakes might happen to bear herein. In short: please don't sue me, guys. (Besides, there's always the sequel to look forward to...)
This story owes a large debt of gratitude to certain works of George Lucas and the Wachowski Brothers. It is, of course, intended as a parody of said works, and of the characters and situations created and owned by Lucas and Wachowski. It is certainly not intended for any commercial use, nor is it intended to in anyway disparage said works (of which I am a great fan; I quickly found that the only way to write a story such as this is by having intimate knowledge of the stories it is based upon; the sort of knowledge that only comes from watching them a dozen times over...) In short: please don't sue me, guys.
Aside from the obvious influences of Star Wars and The Matrix and their various sequels, this story borrows from, or gives a nod to, the following books and movies and authors (in no particular order):
It even contains a line or two of my own invention...
In most cases, the references appeared in the story before I recognised where they came from; in a few cases, though, the idea occurred to me first and I had to tweak the story to fit it in. In some cases I've borrowed but a single line, or a single character (or even a single name); in other cases, whole scenes have been adapted to my nefarious purposes.
I would like to extend my additional thanks to Chris Baty and the people who make NaNoWriMo work every year. If not for them and their crazy, wonderful idea, this novel would never have been written: this is, of course, my effort for NaNoWriMo 2005!
I would also like to thank all of my friends who put up with my wild enthusiasm for this crazy, wonderful project, and who nagged me when I fell behind, and who cheered me on when I was doing well, and urged me on (and threatened me with grievous bodily harm) on those occasions when it seemed like I might not finish. Thanks, guys and gals. You've all been appropriately rewarded with cameo parts in this novel—and there's every chance you'll return for next year's sequel, if I decide to put myself through this all again!
Additionally, several of the lines in this story came from conversations with my friends, and are just as much their invention as mine. Thanks to you all!
And, of course, special thanks go to Boadicea. I owe her a T-shirt...
When I started this, I wasn't sure quite where I was heading with it, apart from my stated intent of creating "a parody mixing Star Wars and The Matrix"—mostly in reaction to having read parodies of each and deciding "I can do better than that". (There exist two parodies of Star Wars which I highly admire: Spaceballs by Mel Brooks, and Star Whores by Jefferson Morris. I have deliberately steered clear of stepping on their respective toes—why try to mess with perfection?—but it's possible their influence may have crept in.)
Along the way, it has acquired a certain blend of "adult" language and humour. Please be warned: if such things offend you, you may not wish to read any further. (In fact, I can almost guarantee that if the Chapter Listing on the next page offends you, you should probably stop right there. It only gets worse as it goes along!) I make no apologies for this; it is how the story wanted (needed) to be written.
Furthermore, it may not be entirely politically correct!
The following chapters contain several semi-gratuitous uses (and one wholly gratuitous use) of the "F" word (no, not "flamingo", the other "F" word.) They also contain the "P" word, the "V" word, the "S" word, the other "S" word, the "C" word, the "Q" word, the much-feared "M" words, a few "B" words, a whole slew of "T" words, and even a couple of "Z" words—but no "X" words. In fact, apart from "X" the whole of the alphabet is pretty well represented. (To fans of "X" words everywhere, I apologise; I shall endeavour to correct this grievous oversight in the sequel. For now though, I trust you will be content with this list of "X" words I plan to use in the next story: xanthochroid, xerothermic, and xenobiotic!)
Additionally, my story may well contain certain plot spoilers for Star Wars and The Matrix. If you have somehow managed to miss seeing these movies (and their sequels) I really do recommend that you watch them before you read this story. (Besides which, if you know them you will likely get more out of this...)
I hope you have at least half as much fun reading this story as I had writing it!